If You Think OCD Is About Being Tidy, Read This

(Trigger Warning: mention of suicide statistic below example of ‘just right’ OCD mentioned below)

Unpacking OCD: Pain, Courage, and Hope

I’ll be honest, I’ve rewritten this several times. Whilst protecting the privacy of someone very close to me, I also want to get across the pain, anxiety, complexity and courage of living with obsessive compulsive disorder. Most people with OCD are some of the most resilient I have known, many suffering in silence.

It’s hard to describe how OCD truly feels. It can be relentless, creeping into every corner of life, changing routines, relationships and confidence. Yet treatment is available, and recovery is possible. I’ve seen how the right support can help someone begin to find their way back.

People often say, “I’m a bit OCD about cleaning,” without realising how painful those words can be. OCD isn’t about being super tidy, it’s about anxiety, intrusive thoughts and exhaustion that hijack a person’s life and the people around them.

It is likely, possibly even without knowing it, you may know someone who currently has OCD or is in recovery. So today, I want to talk about OCD, what it really is, how it affects people, and what can help.

I’m not a psychologist. This blog comes from years of supporting someone very close, who is in recovery from severe OCD. The example below isn’t their OCD, but it the reality of what OCD is, and what it isn’t.

If you can do one thing today, something that might help someone seek support, please read this.

A Glimpse Inside OCD

Imagine standing in your hallway, unable to cross the floor. In your mind, stepping on the wrong floorboard, even though you know it’s just wood, feels as if it could harm someone you love.

You’re frozen. Your heart pounds, your mouth is dry. You know this isn’t logical, but you’re filled with anxiety that you must do it. You take a step, then retreat, then try again, searching for the sense of “right” that lets you move on.

Finally it feels right. You get a brief sense of relief, then the anxiety returns. The cycle grows again, only this time bigger and longer.

We all have intrusive thoughts, but usually they pass quickly. For people with OCD, these thoughts are relentless, distressing and all-consuming. Adults may find OCD affects work, finances, relationships, and social life. Children and teenagers can struggle too, often feeling isolated or frightened by what they can’t explain.

It’s exhausting to live with and painful to watch. OCD can make simple tasks like leaving the house or eating a meal feel overwhelming. But help exists, and recovery is possible with the right treatment.

The OCD Loop

Watching someone you love live with OCD can be traumatic. You see how hard they are fighting their own mind and wish you could take it away. In the words of an OCD sufferer “It’s like fighting your brain all the time, the only rest you get is when you are asleep”

Shame and guilt often sit with both the person and those around them. The person feels guilt for their compulsions, with loved ones feeling guilt for not knowing how to help.

We want to ease their anxiety, so we start accommodating the OCD. We answer reassurance questions, follow compulsions, do what OCD demands to avoid distress. But this accidentally strengthens the cycle, what psychologists call the OCD loop.

Even people outside the family, friends, teachers, shopkeepers and even taxi drivers, can get drawn in, trying to help and unintentionally feeding the condition.

Telling someone to “just stop” doesn’t work. Frustration only fuels anxiety. Finding the right balance of empathy, patience and gentle boundaries is difficult, but it’s where recovery begins.

It’s exhausting for everyone involved, but OCD is treatable, and people do get better.

What OCD Really Is

Everyone has unwanted thoughts sometimes. For most of us, they pass. For someone with OCD, those thoughts get stuck.

Research shows that areas of the brain which help us filter and regulate thoughts do not work as they should for someone with OCD. A thought triggers a false danger signal, activating the body’s alarm system of fight, flight, freeze or fawn. That’s the obsession.

To ease the anxiety, the person feels compelled to perform a compulsion, an action that brings temporary relief. Then the cycle begins again.

The deceptive nature of OCD is that it tricks the brain into believing these compulsions keep you or others safe, when in reality, they strengthen anxiety.

OCD-UK describes five main categories:

Checking: repeatedly ensuring doors are locked or appliances are off.
Contamination or mental contamination: anxiety about germs, dirt or unseen threats.
Symmetry and ordering: needing things to feel “just right”, for example, objects aligned perfectly or clocks set to an exact time before leaving the house.
Ruminations or intrusive thoughts: persistent, distressing thoughts or images, for example, relationship OCD, moral scrupulosity, or thoughts that feel too shameful to share. These can be just as distressing but are often hidden through fear of judgment.
Hoarding: difficulty discarding items because of anxiety.

OCD isn’t about being clean or organised. It’s about living in a constant false alarm and learning, through therapy and support, to quiet that alarm over time.

What Causes OCD?

There’s no single cause, but research suggests a mix of biological, psychological and environmental factors.

Some possible contributing factors include:

Genetics: OCD can run in families.
Brain differences: variations in how the brain regulates anxiety and decision-making.
Life events or trauma: stressful life changes or illness can trigger symptoms.
Postpartum changes: hormonal and emotional shifts after pregnancy can trigger postpartum OCD, often marked by sudden intrusive thoughts.
PANS and PANDAS: conditions where OCD symptoms appear suddenly or worsen following an infection or environmental trigger, caused by an immune response that leads to brain inflammation. These highlight the strong link between the immune system and sudden-onset OCD.

None of this means OCD is anyone’s fault. Understanding the reasons helps move focus from blame to recovery.

The Problem with Stereotypes

If you don’t have OCD, ask yourself what comes to mind when you hear the term. Monica from Friends? Jack Nicholson in As Good as It Gets?

TV and film often use OCD-like traits as comic quirks or signs of being overly neat. It might get a laugh, but it hides the real story and adds shame to an already painful condition.

OCD isn’t a personality trait. It’s a debilitating condition that deserves understanding and support.

Key Facts to Know

OCD affects around 1.2% of people in the UK (OCD-UK) which amounts to around 12 in 1000 people (OCD-UK). However, the number of people with OCD maybe double this, particularly since the COVID-19 pandemic.
It is estimated that up to 50% of people with OCD experience suicidal thoughts, with up to 25% of OCD suffers attempting suicide (NICE, referenced from DSM-5).
International studies suggest there maybe a higher occurrence of OCD within the autistic community, with some studies stating this number maybe as high as 37% (NiH).
In 2001 The World Health Organization report ranked OCD as being among the top 20 causes of life lived with disability for people between the ages of 15 and 44. (NICE, referenced from the WHO).

Treatment and Hope

OCD is treatable. The gold-standard therapy is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), a form of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), often used alongside medication.

ERP helps people gradually face their fears and resist compulsions. It’s challenging, but life-changing, and the earlier treatment starts, the better the outcome.

For autistic people, therapy may need adapting, as autistic routines can look similar to OCD compulsions, but they are different and require tailored care.

New approaches such as repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (rTMS) and emerging medications are bringing even more hope.

OCD is treatable, and recovery is absolutely possible.

A person holding three miniture models of people

You Are Not Alone

If you have OCD, you are not alone, and you are not your OCD. I asked someone close to me what one thing they’d want people to know, and they said “I am me. I’m not OCD. And not everything I do is OCD.”

You are still you, the same person underneath the anxiety and noise. OCD can be treated, and that can mean full recovery, or learning to manage symptoms to live a full and happy life.

If you think you may have OCD, speak with someone you trust, a friend, family member or GP. You don’t have to do this alone. It’s not you that needs fixing; it’s your brain’s alarm system sending false signals. And just like a fire alarm that goes off by mistake, it can be reset with the right help.

If you live with or support someone with OCD, consider therapy too, not because you’re doing something wrong, but because recovery works best when everyone understands how OCD manifests.

OCD needs specialist treatment. When choosing a therapist, make sure they understand OCD and have real experience treating it. Depending on the type of OCD, the wrong therapy may make things worse.

If you’re a parent, partner, family member or friend of someone living with OCD, please remember this: you need care and support too. Surround yourself with people who listen, who don’t judge, and who remind you that you’re doing your best.

How You Can Help Someone with OCD

If you don’t have OCD, the most powerful thing you can do is listen with empathy and kindness.

Language matters. Avoid saying “I’m a bit OCD too” as a throwaway comment or ‘that’s strange/funny isn’t it?”. Even small remarks can add to the shame that keeps people silent. If you hear someone make light of it, gently explain why it matters.

A compassionate conversation can make a huge difference. It might even help someone find the courage to seek help.

OCD isn’t about being super tidy. It’s about living with intrusive thoughts and compulsions and finding the strength to face them, one step at a time.

OCD – Let’s raise awareness and break the stigma.

Helpful Links and Additional Resources:

About the author

Anna Wright, FCIPD

Founder of AfterBurn Coaching and neurobox Awareness Trainer

A highly experienced facilitator and qualified coach, she takes a neuro-affirmative approach, empowering neurodivergent individuals to develop confidence and recognise their strengths. Anna also partners with organisations to create neuro-inclusive cultures through consultancy and facilitation.

With over 25 years’ experience specialising in Learning and Development, and as a Fellow of the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development, she combines deep corporate expertise with her own lived experience of combined ADHD, along with autism and OCD within her family. She’s a passionate advocate for neurodiversity and mental health, driven to create meaningful change.